The 1997-98 Stat Geek Trophy has been presented to The FIGHTING NERDS FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE FROM the Information and Truth Office of the FIGHTING NERDS OF SILICON VALLEY - The Owner and General Manager of the FIGHTING NERDS, Tom Pai, wishes to congratulate his fellow competitors in the 4th annual Stat Geek league for a magnificent and truly exciting season. "While the outcome was expected, we did our best to make the season as exciting as possible by saving our best efforts for the latter half of the season" remarked Mr. Pai in response to one reporter's assertion that the FIGHTING NERDS were a surprise winner in light of the poor start to the season (which started 0-3, 2-5 and just barely able to make the playoffs). "Luck had nothing to do with it. Bad luck is the result of lack of vision and poor contingency planning." said Mr. Pai. "I don't wish to respond to remarks made by others of the quote surprise outcome of the season. Through the supreme efforts put forth on the field by our players, and the diligence and careful execution of a thoughtful vision, we prevailed!" Mr. Pai did concede that a large part of the success was due to appointment of a computer, named "PURPLE HAZE" as Assistant General Manager of the NERDS. "Following the success of DEEP BLUE, we felt it was time to deploy artificial intelligence in a manner that would truly touch and impact the lives of all people in something that really mattered." He further added, that it was his decision to make the move so deserved full credit. In an unrelated move, officials of the NERDS further announced that, due to the expected increase in expenses in the coming year, ticket prices would be increase 10%, the price of megasize beers would be increased 50% and the cup size increased by 2 oz., and parking would be raised by $5. Further, the NERDS have entered into negotiations with officials of Redmond, WA and Microsoft Corp. (MSFT) related with the possible relocation of the team to Redmond. The talks include the possible purchase of a significant stake in the NERDS by Microsoft. "This is an obvious fit. NERDS and Microsoft." said one team official. Team officials stressed that nothing definitive had been agreed upon.
As you remember, in the taxicab scene in "On the Waterfront", with Marlin Brando as Terry Malloy and Rod Steiger as Charley, his older brother. Terry states that "I coulda been a contender"; well the Tomahawks coulda been contenders, but came up short a chop or two by losing "again" in the first round. The Tomahawk head coach was stumbling in the locker room wearing a Santa Claus overcoat with a poached salmon sticking out of his pocket after the game with a half empty bottle of Jack Daniel's in his hand. In between swigs he was quoted as saying, "This Lady Luck Playoff system sucks and is unworkable for future years. Every year the teams that did best during the year, lose in the playoffs because of the totally random nature of the single elimination rules. For the last 3 years I have led the league in points and had the best record after 17 weeks, but I have ended up losing money, because of these bulls#&@ rules. I will never again play in a FF league that has any kind of playoff system. Next year we should pay the team with the most points after 17 weeks 65% of the pot, the team with the second most points 25%, and the 3rd place team 10% of the pot. We should also pay the division winners $100 each. I am not going to play Lady Luck FF next year, unless we change the rules to dump the playoff system. With the current rules, each owner has a much better chance of winning money in Vegas by betting on red or black on the roulette wheel, than of getting any payout with these bulls#&@ FFB rules. Next year, why don't we all go to Vegas and hold a single
elimination tournament on the roulette wheel picking red vs black. We would get the same
result as our current hosed up playoff system." PETE will have a hard time recovering from a dogs#@% draft, but Bledsoe has been carrying him so far. Don't look for this to continue with his weak RBs and WRs. JURIS has 3 solid players Emmitt, Vinny, and Tim Brown, but a weak supporting cast. I look for them to stay near the top on the strength of these stalwarts. CAJUNS is a solid team except for a glaring hole at QB. Patrick should stay near the top, but he won't win if he is giving away 20 points each week at QB to the other owners. TOMAHAWKS have an uncharacteristically weak team this year which needs help at WR and is too strong at QB. Does anyone want to trade a first tier WR for Mitchell? But despite this current weak roster, good management will keep the Tomahawks near the top. STUCCO has a solid team except for one WR slot. They are better than their current record shows and will end up near the top. DUDES have seen their best weeks and will start to deteriorate and end up in the middle of the pack. Carter is out for the season and if Elway goes down, they are toast. TEE BOX will end up near the bottom if they keep making decisions like last week's lineup. Why start Wheatley when you have Alstott on the bench? CANDY MAN makes Marge Schott look like a good owner. When you are 1-3 and you make NO ROSTER MOVES in September, you usually become shark feed by December. Your QBs make the Cajuns look good in comparison. NERDS will fight Candy man for the cellar. I hope that they are both paid up. (they are - the commish) Reprise - From the keyboard of Senor Jungle: After week 4, it is clear the Dump Hoban division should be renamed Hoban Chumps. They went 1-4 against Cow Pai teams, with only the Tomahawks salvaging any dignity by squeaking out a win against the lowly Nerds. This week's fratricidal skirmish between the Tomahawks and 4 Pete is critical, with the Tomahawks needing a win to establish a legitimate shot at dethroning Pete. With Bledsoe sitting, give the edge to Mike. Stucco Jungle (paparazzi
ambush photo) The Cow Pai division looks extremely competitive, with the top three teams in points scored bunched at the top at 3-1. Both Jurisprudence and Diggity Dank Dudes look unexpectedly strong at this point in the season. Dudes will probably replace draft bust (injured Ki Jana Carter) with busted druggie (Byron "Bong" Morris activated by Ravens this week). In key week 5 matchup, Micros should crush Jurisprudence, who has half his team on a bye week. With strong WR corps (Jimmy Smith is genius) and Brad Johnson looking for real, Micros are current front runner (now, if we can only get that on the cover of SI and jinx Ed). Meanwhile, Tony Martin continues to suck. Thank you, Gilbride. Late, Senor Jungle
Doug H, as in Dough Boy. If you watched the second episode of the X-Files this season, you saw a reference to the Roush corporation (fictitious). Many X-Files fans rushed to find out about the "corporation" only to find that http://www.roush.com sends one to the Pillsbury web page. This reminded me of a funny Halloween weekend three years ago when Erick (the Stucco Jungle) dressed up as the Pillsbury dough boy. We nick named him Doug H.
We have a couple of photos answering (at least part of the question) ... riddle me this, how did this game end?
Reprise: To make your life easy the weekly reports will be provided as rich text files (.rtf). They are small files that can be read within Internet Explorer 3.0 -- which is real cool (if you have MS Word or Word Viewer) and then printed. If you are using Netscape, download the file and use MS Word-- you can then print a hard copy if you wish. Because they are small files, we can achieve our objective of archiving past week's reports for future review. For those who do not have MS Word-- you can download a free copy of MS Word Viewer by clicking on the words in the directory (see left column) -- FYI : 32bit version for Windows 95 and 16 bit version for Windows 3.1. The Commissioner, (Ed) The Microprocessor,
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